Resistance, Surrender, Control: How to Walk Through Life with Power and Grace
Life is like walking. We need resistance to push ourselves forward, and we need to surrender to keep ourselves moving. We also need control to decide when to resist and when to surrender. These three concepts – resistance, surrender, and control – are essential for living a balanced and fulfilling life.
How do we know when to resist, when to surrender, and what to control? And how do we deal with the uncertainty and unpredictability of life?
The brain is like a prediction machine that tries to choose the best path for us, based on our past experiences, our goals, and our expectations. But we can’t know everything and sometimes we encounter obstacles or opportunities that we didn’t anticipate, such as slipping on ice, getting stuck in the mud, or stepping on a thorn. Sometimes we feel like we are stumbling around in the dark, with no sense of direction or control. And sometimes we see the path clearly, until something unexpected happens that throws a spanner into the works.
This is where the battle for control begins. We have three options: we can resist what is happening, we can surrender to what is happening, or we can control how we respond to what is happening.
On a higher level it can also be seen as Will (resistance to what is), Grace (surrender to what is), and Power (control of how we respond).
Resistance is the act of opposing or rejecting what is. It can be useful when we face a challenge that we can overcome or change, such as a difficult task, a problem to solve, or a goal to achieve. Resistance can help us mobilize our willpower, our determination, and our courage to face the situation and take action.
However, resistance can also be harmful when we face a situation that we can’t change or avoid, such as a loss, a trauma, or a crisis. Resistance can lead us to denial, anger, frustration, or resentment. It can make us suffer more than necessary, and prevent us from accepting reality and moving on.
Surrender is the act of accepting or embracing what is. It can be beneficial when we face a situation that we can’t change or avoid. Surrender can help us cope with the situation and find peace and meaning in it. It can also help us open ourselves to new possibilities and opportunities that may arise from it.
However, surrender can also be detrimental when we face a situation that we can change or overcome. Surrender can lead us to passivity, apathy, or resignation. It can make us give up on our dreams and potentials, and settle for less than we deserve.
“Resisting surrender and Surrendering to resistance”. Paradoxically we have to surrender to our resistance and resist our surrender when they become counterproductive or harmful. We must balance resistance and surrender in a dynamic way and see them as interacting with each other and not opposing each other. They are on the same spectrum, it’s “and” not “or”.
We can’t control everything that happens in life. We can only control ourselves – our thoughts, feelings, actions, and reactions, and to be able to do this we need to: Notice, Acknowledge and choose to either Engage, Let Be, or Let Go. (See “I” ebook)
Events happen. How we frame them is up to us.
Power is not in the control of events, but in our perception of them. Not external control but internal control. Power comes from faith, trust, and confidence in our ability to respond. In other words, the responsibility we take for ourselves.
We control our perspective, which shapes our perception of any situation, and choose our reaction to it, and then take responsibility for our choices and actions.
We have to see events as happening “for” us and not “to” us, to go from a victim mindset to a growth mindset.
So how do we balance resistance, surrender, and control? How do we walk through life with power and grace?
The answer is not simple or universal. It depends on each situation and each person. But here are some general guidelines that may help:
– Resist when you can change something for the better.
– Surrender when you can’t change something, but you can learn from it.
– Control how you perceive and respond to anything that happens.
– Be flexible and adaptable to changing situations.
– Be aware of your limits and your strengths.
– Be humble and grateful for what you have.
– Be confident and optimistic about what you can achieve.
By applying these principles, you can walk through life with power and grace. You can resist what holds you back, surrender to what helps you grow, and control what matters most – yourself.